A big theme for me in the past year and a half has been dealing with uncertainty. Life is uncertain, anything can happen at any moment and most of us get used to feeling like we have some kind of control over our lives. Reality is we don’t. It’s a scary thought but once you get used to it, think on it and feel more comfortable with it, it’s kinda freeing.
I had a plan that this summer I would organize the back room space and get it really working for me, spend so much time being creative and put together a few tutorials for this site. Then the ceiling caved in. The back room is my space for sewing, creating, etc. So instead of feeling really on top of things and getting that room to a place where it’s really working for me, all it’s contents are spread throughout my apartment, making it feel crazy, really crazy in here.
I’ve managed to do a few things. Make a rattle ball for a friends baby, make some paper flowers for our wedding next summer and some embroidery but I’m really feeling hampered by our space right now. Chaos can breed chaos and we are living in the midst of a hurricane.
I have also taken on way too much stuff.
This is the list:
1. Starting this blog and working on it regularly
2. Fundraising for Take it to the Mat and organizing fundraising events (i.e. garage sale, yoga in the park). Also writing a speech because I’m a speaker at the event! (which is exciting!)
3. Getting back in to shape
4. Planning our wedding for next summer
5. Overhauling our household organization (i.e. how we menu plan, how we divide household finances)
Those are the big ones. I am making little bits of headway on each of them but between the endless list and the chaos inside and the mega heat wave in Toronto, I’m feeling a little sluggish like I need a nap, all the time. And you know what? I can take a nap and I don’t need to attend to the list but attending to the list is also fulfilling right? And it’s good to be tired because you’ve worked hard on things, not just because it’s hot and you’re overwhelmed. But the one thing you can count on is change.
Even though feelings can feel big in the moment, they are guaranteed to shift, and with that shift you get closer to where you want to be. There are some things that the shifts are so incrementally small it’s like granules of sand moving on a beach. But each one of those little grains of sand is slowly building the mound that becomes the end goal of what you are working towards, some tasks just take more persistence than others. So the next time you are feeling hard on yourself for not moving as quickly as you’d like or getting to the end as easily as you thought, remember, you are juggling a lot of balls and that just ain’t the way life works all the time. You will get there in the end if that’s what you want and you keep at it. You are even allowed to stop working towards it for a little while and come back later!
The other component that really helps shift this situation completely is gratitude. When I take a step back and say, “hey, I’m really glad I have all these amazing things happening in my life” or “man, I’m glad although I’m still struggling with fatigue that I have waves of energy to make headway on these projects” or “I’m really glad I rent and don’t have to pay to fix the ceiling”. When I think through the lens of gratitude it feels less overwhelming and more joyful, less tired and more full. I’m thankful for thankfulness!
On that note, embrace when the uncertainty comes and know that the plan we had isn’t always the route we take and remember to feel grateful. You are doing a great job, you’ll get there!
Also, if you haven’t checked out Emily McDowell before, you should – in fact add it to your list 🙂 How cute would you be if you left yourself these tiny notes all over the house to find when you are feeling poopy?